My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
