Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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