I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
