He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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