my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
