He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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