I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
