You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
