Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
