The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
