he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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