Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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