the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
