drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
