hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
