Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
