Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
no you cant smoke seaweed
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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