Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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