The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
