i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The feeling are messing with the penis
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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