If i come over, it means nothing
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
