And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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