i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
