Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
