I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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