Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
