Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
