I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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