the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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