There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
