I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
