She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
