dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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