you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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