do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
