I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
