I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
