"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
