It's like God shit irony all over that family
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
