Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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