So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
