WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
