I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
