I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
