I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
