just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
