I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
