So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
