last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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