i used baking grease as lip gloss
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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