Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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