I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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