if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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