Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
