i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
